Yes, I know Valentine’s Day is gone and no mention of it was made on this blog. Well, guys, I gotta be honest with you this holiday was never one of my favourites. There’s just too much marketing, consumption, pressure on men to deliver and on women to look the part, flowers are super expensive and getting a place to eat out is crazy expensive and hard to accomplish. No, when Valentine’s Day comes I don’t even think that it’s a holiday that applies to me, kinda like the Chinese New Year or something, you see what’s going on around you but you don’t really care. So, yeah I forgot about it. Ops! Sorry about that, maybe you were expecting a nice blog post with some romantic or sexy hairstyles to get some ideas and I let you down. My apologies, is it too late to say that? But, please hear me out I’ve got something that might be better that a hair tutorial. How about a black couple’s tag and finding our what your man really thinks of your natural hair journey? Sounds interesting doesn’t it?…
Before we even start, I want to agree with you in saying that not all men are the same, some will support the journey others will not, but I say there’s a guy out there for you that is. In fact, if he loves you, he will love you no matter what and support and assist you in whatever you need (even if it’s just to reassure you the rushed off twist out looks good when it really doesn’t).
Now, the reason I brought this couples’ tag to you today (asides the fact that I wanna make it up for forgetting about Valentine’s Day, hehehe!) and not bring you yet another hair tutorial is because this “special” day is also about our men and because this space here, Curly Hair Longe, is about the natural hair journey we’re all undertaking. To me, it only seems fair to join both subjects together and find out what our men think of natural hair and our journey to attain it.
Let me introduce you to simplymevlogtv, NeesieDoesIt, SincerelyChrisandKim and Alicia James all well accompanied by their partners. I say well accompanied because some of the men’s answers to the questions in the videos were surprising to me in a gooood way.
Have We Been Wrong All Along?!
It’s very common for us women when considering going natural to think that our partners, or men in general, won’t like us anymore, won’t find us attractive or that we’ll never get our boo. I mean, for some women it’s hard enough making the decision to completely stop relaxing their hair let alone dealing with all the insecurities we all face in the journey. But, what I find surprising in these guys is that maybe we didn’t need to worry so much. Sure, they may be shocked or surprised with the decision at first, but it seems their only concern was our welfare when informed of our decision to go natural.
” I was wondering if you really knew what you were getting into and why were you coming to this decision”.
” I thought it was a good thing, I was just concerned because women, you all change your hair a lot, and the natural hair, I felt, was kind of final. (…) I was excited and nervous of how she was going to react.”
But some men appear to welcome the decision more than others, and the reasons behind it should make us questions why do we go to such lengths to have straight or Caucasian-looking hair when they don’t seem to like it. The reply to how his partners new hair journey was welcomed by this men was both surprising and hilarious.
“I didn’t mind one bit. (…) The weave was too much, (…) I’m talking about packs of weaves, wigs, inclosures. I’ve learned so much about weave and I don’t even do hair.”
One guy even went so far as to say he didn’t like it when she straightened her hair, and to another one the blown out hair was his least favourite hairstyle. Having listened to this, I ask you, ladies, “What have we been waiting for”, we could have been released from the lye prison long before now. It clearly seems that the natural hair movement has impacted not only on us but on our men too. More and more men seem to be cutting strings with society’s expectations of what our hair should be and look like.
I Think We Can Blush Now!
I mean, these men are even capable of naming their favourite hairstyles, something I never thought they could, at least not my partner. From loving the curls in their natural state on a Wash and Go to the edgy Frohawk they all say that, in general, they like all hairstyles. But, if you think this is surprising this may shock you even more:
“I like that there’s so many different options she can do with her hair”
Shocker isn’t it!? Well, maybe we’re not so used to seeing our men’s interest in our hair and our journey. Hearing:
“I love how she looks with natural hair. She looks how she’s supposed to look – beautiful, real!”
“The confidence since you’ve been on this journey, you’ve grown, blossomed.”
Hearing these words are probably a dream come true. Doesn’t this make you smile inside and even blush a little? Ladies, toss the fears away because these men even find the Big Chop “cute” and one said “I loved your BC, it was something different. You always had nice facial features” (Couple Alicia James). He’s he a keeper or what!!!!?
But It’s Not All Roses
But I should also say that not all things about natural hair are well received by our men and some for unexpected reasons. Let’s have a look at what they hated most about their partners being naturals:
“Probably the time it takes [to do her hair] (…) sometimes I don’t see her until night time”.
“In the beginning, I was frustrated with the time it took [to do her hair], but now you perfected that. The other thing I don’t like is people staring, pointing. That’s so rude!”
“If I had to hate something (…) or like the least, is my slow drains. There’s a little curl impact in my drains”. (Say what!?! Now this is funny, you gotta watch the video cause she agrees laughing)
“I don’t like the night wrap [and] she uses a bottle of a good cream. I mean she buy it and they’re for her hair but I would like to use some of the moisturiser. I mean they smell gooood! She uses it all!”
Thinking About Going Back?! Think Twice
In reality, what men hated about our hair is really not that bad. Ladies, if your man has been supportive throughout most or part of your hair journey please never, ever, e-ver consider going back to the relaxer ’cause:
“I think I would be upset, for the simple fact that I’ve been along for the journey as well. It’s not just [her] doing the journey, it’s me as well!”
“I would try to discourage you, because I like the beauty of it, that it’s natural, it’s a healthier alternative to the beauty you already have. (…) There’s a sense of confidence and a sense of embracing what you were given… I’m gonna encourage that!”
“I would have a lot of questions, I would support any decision (…), but I would have some questions. It’s been a good journey (…) I would wonder. It’s connected to your confidence, perception of your beauty, it’s connected to insecurities (…) to so many things. (…) that change [had] an impact on our relationship.”
What We’ve Learned From These Men
As we reflect on our hair journey and our men’s part in it, after what I hope was a very romantic Valentine’s Day for you, I must say that these men surprised me in a good way. And maybe, you may think these were just words in front of a camera, a cover for us, but I think not. I believe a true men will always back your decisions (unless of course you’re going to harm yourself or another, obvious!!!) if they truly make you happy or if they push you into growing.
A man who is afraid of this, who doesn’t want change may not be the men for you, because this journey is all about that. Maybe he’s afraid of what it will do to him or say about him, maybe he is not even ready yet, but if he acts this way he is definitely not ready for a relationship because it implies growth and that implies change.
So, you see my curly friend, if your man is like one of these men in the videos I hope you showed them some love on Saint Valentine’s Day and cut them some slack when they get upset about our long wash days and clogged up drains because they love you the way you are (especially) hair and all, although some would say at the end:
“Thank God! I’m just glad men don’t got to do this sh**t (…) we either grow hair out get braids, locs, boy cut or get a haircut. We don’t put none of that razzle, dazzle, bedazzle on there. Thank God!”
Yeah, I guess we (women) can say we can handle anything with our seemingly tiny little frame, but monstrous will. Now, who’s the stronger sex?!?!
Is your man supportive of your hair journey? What was the best thing he did for you or said to you during your hair journey?